


Dont.

by mommasboy



Category: Naruto, Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, Bc what is without smut, Calm and collected Naruto, Can get enough gay, Children, Creepy Orochimaru, Cute gay guys, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Goths, Hinata's bad, I love Australia, Ino is punk, Its rrly bad but hang in there, Kurama is human, Lesbians, M/M, Mentions of other fandoms., More gay, More tags will be added later on, Naruto is Aussy, Naruto is goth, Naruto looks after children orphan isnt that precious, Not enough gay, Or no smut, Precious cinnamon roll Iruka too pure for this world, Sai's a good friend, Sai's emo, Sakura is goth, Sasuke has long hair, Sasuke ooc, Sasuke's a sad mess, Sasuke's emo, Sasuke's scared of people looking at him, Shipping people who never interacted, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, That is the answer, This is just some random shit i thought of in school, Too many characters, Way to many relationships, Yahiko and Nagato r dating, an absolute mess, but its not, creepy people, dont get sad its not bad, everyone is either goth emo or tragic, he tries, help my babies please, holy shit this is horrible, horrible, i am 13 wtf, i should not be writing this but i love angst so much so sorry, its funny, lol, lots and lots, lots of O/CS, more pairings - Freeform, not for the pure, or maybe not, orphan naruto, rare ships, still should read it tho, that is the question, the angst is not even angst, there is no normal people, trigger - Freeform, trigger warning, yes smut, you cant stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mommasboy/pseuds/mommasboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scents. Looks. Touches. Hair. Bumping. Don't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Books, books, books. Books blocked his vision. Damn his teacher, why did he have to send him, but he's grateful for the opportunity to get out of that stuffy classroom. 

 _/boom/ /crash/_ The books are falling. He numbed into someone. Lured in by sunshine and crystals. Throat locked, lips tight, eyes cast downward. "Hey, ar'rihg there?" His voice, smooth. Breath, hinted at coffee. Naruto.

Naruto smiled awkwardly. Sasuke was stunned, eyes wide, lips closed. A hand on his shoulder broke him from his stare. 

He nodded limply. He moved to pick up his fallen books. Naruto moved pass him to help. The rush of his smell hit Sasuke's nose. 'Like deep roasted coffee, and buttered bread.' Which reminded him he didnt eat breakfast this morning. He seems to be forgetting to do a lot of things. 

"Yo,Sas'ke." Australian accent deep in his voice. Sasuke's dark eyes hesitantly made their way up. "I have too go."

"Oh, err,bye."

 

 

He blinked, _once twice._

 

 _Where I am I?_ His vision cleared and he started to recognize the place. _of course, one of his most dreaded places to be. Orochimaru's classroom._

"Sasuke?" His eerie voice ranged in Sasuke's ears. Orochimaru's eyes narrowed into slits. Nodding again, licking his lips. He stood, papers in hand. Each footstep he took getting slower and sounding louder and louder in his ears.  He can already feel the sweat dripping down his palm. This always happen to when he is going to do stuff like this.

_'remember Sasuke, people are bad, and when they look at you, they want nothing but to use you. You are to beautiful for them to have, so hold on tight to my hand and never let go, okay.'_

**'Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.'**

Was that his footstep or his heart beat. Right now he really couldn't differentiate.

                                                                                                                           And finally he reached the front, his back to the class, the silence tightening.

The drum in his ears piercing him through, and through. Inside of his mouth, dry as a desert. Slowly turning around expecting something to jump out right in front of him,... but nothing did. The class, every pair of eyes on him. Some of their gaze full of curiosity, and others something else. No, it was not those he cared about, it was the _others_. The ones that seems to be  _undressing_ him with their eyes. Their lust filled gazes. Boring into him, permanently scarring his pale, sensitive skin. 

                     And then there was Orochimaru, his stare leaving a lingering unease feeling of Sasuke's body, spine tingling uncomfortable.

    _'Don't let them get close, they'll use you, break you, the leave you. Don't let them get close, don't let them get a taste.'_

His breath became labored, eyes widen like sauce pans then narrowed into slits. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He kept his head down, looking at his paper intensely, careful not to make eye contact. The words he did not want to say escaped his throat, but died on his tongue **.** The stares bore onto him. He **needs** to leave, right now...  **right now.** Blinked, _once, twice._

  But, he cant. Participation is graded, and he needs the grade. His report needs to be perfect, perfect. So he swallows it down, swallows it all down. Blank face on, voice steady.

And he reads, he lifts his head, but no eye contact, staring straight at the back wall.

 _He tries, and tries, but things never really work out the way he wants them to._ The cold feeling of disgust washing over him. He hated it, he _hated_ it so much. Kali, he hated it. The way Orochimaru's snake like eyes bore into his skin, marking itself there, not even bothering to be subtle about his obvious attraction to the boy. Sasuke swallowed deeply, breath becoming labored.

                                  His eyes cast down, looking at his black vans. A frown washed over his face, and he bit his lip. Shoulders hunched, his uncomfortableness clearly showing, but Orochimaru didn't care, he didn't care. Eyes glossy, he cans feel himself on the verge of tears. _why does it have to happen now. I wish I could just disappear._

"Sorry, 'm late, the young ones just wouldn't let 'm go." Sasuke could basically hear the smile in Naruto's voice. He involuntary saved him.

"Ah, yes, just take a seat, Naruto." Orochimaru's disgusting voice ringed by him again.                                      Huh?" Naruto raised a blond brows. Looked towards the clock at the back of the room. "Sir, the period is already over." Relief washed over Sasuke like the Nile river.

"Ah, I hadn't realize it, you will finish next time, _Sasuke._ " He didn't even reply, he took his book bag a quickly scurried out the room, up the stairs and outside for his lunch break. He inhale deeply, and quickly found a place by a tree with some shade to read his book.

                          Calming himself down, being out here in the open like this always make him feel better. But he thought if that happened again then he would have a full fledge attack, in front of everyone. That scared him a lot. He hated it so bad, when he couldn't even control his own body, he would shake and cry and think of horrible things.

_'Sasuke your just like me, so I need to protect you, listen Sasuke, people will want to just take and take from you but do not let them, your innocence is precious. Please do not let them steal your beauty. You are to precious.'_

 


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he just //hurt//

People think that depression is just this general thing when you just feel sad. It is so much more complicated than that. It is not just feeling sad no, it is feeling dread and feeling afraid for no apparent reason, at least it's like that for me. It's hard really hard, and I just hurt a lot. I'm confused because I didn't know how this started, it didn't just appear one day, it was always there, just growing slowly. But, I remember clearly when I had my first attack. I was in middle school. I remember sitting at the computer lab, feeling nothing at all, then I had a thought, it was my birthday and my friend said he was going to get me something, I started questioning if he really cared about me, if anyone really cared about me. Then I had a sudden rush of dread. I felt horrible, like something bad was coming, I didn't know what it is but I was feeling really afraid. In the outside I seemed fine, but in the inside I was an emotion turmoil. Technology ended and I went to Science class, which was also in the sme e floor. This was about 2 months before I turned 13 and was the day before the last day of school so there was no work. At science I didn't feel good at all, my chest was really hurting so I rested my head on my hands. That's when the tears came, I didn't really know why I started crying but I just did, it wasn't full sobbing just silent tears. 'Sasuke are you OK?' I heard people asking, me trying to keep my tears down just said yeah, I'm fine, I'm okay. It really wasn't working and I wasn't ok, I heard the teacher in the classroom at the time come up to me and told me to go and wait outside and she will come and talk to me. I obeyed and walked out of the class with my head down and my bangs covering my face, my hair was long enough to reach my shoulders. I think I was out there for a good 30 minutes, over that time the attack slowly progressed. I slowly sink to the floor and hugged my torso my head hanging. Small whimpers escaping me, slowly changing into quiet sobs. Over that time the tears never stopped falling. Another teacher I knew walked towards me asking if I was OK, I was in the hall by the door but a good 4 feet away from it. I nodded without raising my head, I heard her yell to the teacher who told me to go outside. My teacher came out side finally, she was short and large. She made me get off from the floor and asked why I was crying. I said I didn't know because I truly did not know. She said that it came from somewhere, she said that since she was not the school counselor she really couldn't help me, so she send me to the school counselor. Ms.Ghe a dark skin and very lean woman. To the walk upstairs she sent me alone I calmed down a bit. I was in Ms.Ghe's office when I calmed down, but it was only for a bit because less than 2 minutes later harsh sobs envelope my body, and shook it terrible, I couldn't see blinded by all those tears and my ears ringing uncomfortable. Ms.Ghe sent me to the school psychiatrist because she didn't know what to do either, after all those question she asked me and told me to write down exactly what happened from start to now, she was still confused about my case. The psychiatrist was inexperienced I could tell. By the time a I got I calmed down considerable but I was still not in the right mind. So as I remember I played with her for a bit. She was young, fresh out of college, and stupid. I asked her to go to the bathroom and she looked at me suspiciously. It was funny and I laughed because I knew exactly what she was thinking. "I don't self-harm or anything if your wondering." 

_"Why do you think I was thinking that?" 

-"Cause you look like you were thinking it" 

-"OK, you can go let me asked the nurse if you can use hers" 

So I did my business. I could hear through the door the nurse was bracing and judging by the sound of the school psychiatrist's voice she was really annoyed at the nurse, but the nurse waas really not catching on to her subtly hints.  _really inexperienced_

She asked me to call my mum and talk to her, then she gave me this sheet about depression and talking to your child to give to my mum, not that I ever gave it to her, it was just really weird. After that I started exploring the possibility of having depression. I learned from experienced that it is way more than just a mixed of chemicals in your brain, and it is way more than taking a little pill twice a day to "fix you". But at the same time the pill is not for "fixing" it is for  momentary relief. It is so complicated and I can't explain it, but that is it. Human themselves are complicated creatures so there is no simple way to say, "I'm not broken, I'm different, see I'm depressed and it is very complicated, I don't just feel sad all the time, and I don't self-harm because depression does not equal self-harm."

 

Because everything is just so fucking hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still looking for a beta, and yes I did change up my style, not for the whole story, this is just a snip into Sasuke's past, I had a panic attack but it was kind of different from the one Sasuke had but also kind of similar, there are many similarities after all. No I do not have depression, or I don't think so at least, so this might be very bias, but remember this is Sasuke, everything about him is complicated. Yes my style of writing will continue to change. 
> 
> ~Ki


	3. Bumps.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumps made his skin tingle. It was uncomfortable.

He hated it. _He hated the way his skin would itch after someone touch him. He hated how scared he felt._

_-zip it, zip it and lock it away, it’s never going to happen. He warned you, you know how to handle yourself it's never going to happen. Not now, not ever. -_

 

Sasuke dragged his hands over his shoulder and arm, his white nails scratching over himself, _yet_ he couldn't get rid of the itch that plague him. _Why, why? Why was he feeling like this?_

Gripping the skin of his arm between his nails, _why? Why couldn't he be normal?_ He pinched it, and pulled it. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Shut up, shut up,  shut up, shut up, shut up._ **_Why couldn't it shut up? Why? That stupid voice._ **

 

He was scared. Why was he scared. What was he scared of? What _was_ he scared of?  

He stopped pulling at his skin and twisted his neck to look at the field, high school kids were just lounging around, totally not noticing him. The benches placed up against the tree gave the scene a forest feeling to it. He was sitting against one of those branches. He pressed both of his hands flatly against the bench, he breathed in. He was fine, he was fine.

 

 One of his nails scratched against a small piece of the wooden bench. He twitched. The grass felt rubbery against his sneakers. The air felt tight, his chest felt heavy. There was a push against his heart.

Two hearts now, two hearts  _beating rapidly._

In his mind, a voice whispered in tiny words. _‘You're not OK.”_ The words were getting bigger, he was not breathing as fast. _One, two. One, two._ His heartbeat was slowing down.

A hand was pushing against his chest now, A hand was pushing him down. _‘Quiet now, quiet.”_ He tried, but the hand got him stuck. A voice whispering something.

It was silent he couldn't hear it but he could feel it. It whispered across his skin, and it sends messages to his veins. 

The voice started to whispered in bigger words. _‘You're not OK.’_ There was something scratching at the back of his throat _-help, I think? -_ his tongue was tied, his teeth broken.

He can feel the blood pouring out of eyes. The voice stopped being so little.When did the voice stopped being so little? it was loud now. Getting louder.

The voice started screaming.

It was saying others things.

The voice pounded in his head, the thing scratch at his throat begging to be let out. His lips was dry, his mouth was wet with blood and emotions.

Was that help, abandoned?  He was gone, gone now. The world was blurry. _He_ was there, in front of him. The hand pushed harder, he was trapped.

There were more hands now. They were pushing and he couldn't breathe. _He couldn't breathe. He was there and he was dead and he couldn't breathe._

He didn't try anymore. It hurt and the voice was telling him to go. So he was going because going would make the voice happy and the voice would stop and all of this would stop. So he would go.

He could feel it. The hands was pushing him, he could feel it.

 

_-Stairs?-_

 

He was almost there. Where the voice was telling him to go. The roof. The voice said if he went with him then all of this would stop. He would follow Izuna.

 

_-wall?-_

When was a wall there. This wall had flesh and felt soft though.  

 

“Sasuke?”

 

Was that him?  Who was calling him?

 

He felt a hand touch his shoulder, _a hand?_

 

The scream emitted was loud, followed by a chorus of _‘please, no, don't. I'm scared help me.”_

 

And Naruto was surprised, and Naruto wanted to help. Naruto did know how to help, Naruto studied this. So Naruto tried.

 

“Sasuke….” He stepped back. “Sasuke can you hear me.” He whispered this.

He pulled his hand back.  

 

The tears was streaming down his face, _maybe he couldn't tell anything anymore_  and all he heard was noise. _Noise noise noise_ why couldn't everything **shut up**

 

**noise noise noise noise noi-**

 

He could barely register the vomit escaping his mouth, and since he didn't have a lot to eat, vile and blood and acid escaped to. Along with all the fear that he was keeping bottled up inside.

 

He didn't feel it when Naruto caught him, he didn't feel it when Naruto carried him to the nurse, and he definitely did not feel the worry that radiated off of Naruto. The feeling of uselessness he felt knowing he couldn't stop Sasuke from feeling like this. As long as he's known him, Sasuke has always been a cautious person. Someone who didn't let people in because of fear. Fear that someday they will betray him and cause him pain. Cause him sorrow, he thought like that because he lost someone very dear to him. His uncle Izuna who was always with him. So, now he is scared he will lose everyone.

 

 

 

 

\

 

Naruto sat down on the large bench in the middle of the park. There was a child next to him playing with the large and calloused hand. A hand that was always willing to help others. That is why they have so many scars.

 

“And where did you get this one Naru?” Asked the little girl, big innocent brown eyes looking up at him. She pointed to a scar on his thumb. It was small but Naruto remembered it hurt like hell.

 

He looked down at her and smiled. Eyes reflecting memory. “I got that one for my friends, she is a beautiful person. It's actually not just one, it has a story.”

 

Naruto remembered it like it was yesterday.

_-_

_“Ino if you don't hurry, I'll go without you.” A young Naruto yelled at a young blond girl._

_Ino stuck her tongue out. “YOU KNOW YOU WON'T!” She shouted from inside her house._

_Naruto chuckled, it was true. He knew he would never go without her. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he remembers that boyfriend of hers, she's dressing all up for **him**. To Naruto the guy is bad news, he hated that disgusting asshole. but Ino is set on dating him so Naruto can't do anything about it. _

_“Alright ready to go!” She came out the bathroom in her skinny rip jeans and crop top with her MK hand bag. She looked beautiful as always. Naruto thinks **he** doesn't deserve someone as beautiful as her. _

_He smiled at her, “You sure look pretty.”_

_She softly punch him in the shoulder, “You look handsome too you dork.” She smiled crookedly and Naruto swore he will do whatever he could to protect that smiled._

_-_

_Ino came with another black eye, she told him it was nothing. She was not smiling like she used to. He knew, he knew what he had to do._

_-_

_“Naruto, stop, please don't do this, I'll take care of it, please!”_

_Her voice was back ground noise, he couldn't hear it. All he heard was the ringing in his hears and the voice in his head, telling him to kill, kill, kill him. Kill the guy that took he smile away, that took her happiness away, that took her away._

_he **had** to protect her, protect her, protect her, protec-_

_-_

_He had a knife, the scumbag had a knife and he was charging at Naruto. Naruto grabbed the knife with his bare hands. But he didn't feel the pain. He didn't feel it at all. He pulled the knife out of the scumbags hand, he look terrified. Yeah it was a taste of his medicine. Naruto licked at his fear. He inhaled it, he ate it all up. He barred his teeth and he ate him. The scumbag is gone. Only he is left._

 

_Ino is gone, where did she go._

 

_She ran to call the cops._

 

_He could hear sirens. What did he do?  What happened?_

 

_Who is that on the floor. He couldn't recognize him. He doesn't know, or maybe he does._

 

_Where was he?_

_who was he?_

 

_What was he?_

_-_

_Ino was fine, he was in the hospital. The scumbag was dead. They didn't charge because it was self-defense. The guy pulled his knife out so he defended himself. Ino was happy. The cops look scared because of what he did to the body. The media couldn't get the story because the cops covered it up. They didn't want anyone to find out. He had to take therapy sessions because they found out his record of anger issues. The therapy was free because they didn't want him causing anymore trouble, or he will be sent to the mental asylum. They think he is crazy, if he is a danger then he will be sent away.  This got out of control._

_He's dead and Naruto is happy._

 

_Then he saw Ino._

 

_He ruined it. Even though she said she was fine, he could see in her eyes._

 

_She was afraid of him._

 

_She saw he was a monster._

_He was a monster._

 

_He was alone again_

 

_He was alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha wow umm, long time no see. Stayed a long time writing this. My fingers hurt lol. Hope you enjoyed it, and if you did please leave a comment. Some constructive criticism would be nice :)) OK see you guys later. I'll be updating more depending on the reviews :) seriously even one review makes me super happy

**Author's Note:**

> Please, I'm thirsty for reviews


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